Am I Judgemental?
One thing I often think about is whether I am judgmental of people around me. I often pride myself on the idea that I’m a relatively easygoing and accepting person.
Despite that, I find myself confused sometimes because of the way my brain works. I’m embarrassed to admit that sometimes when I’m out and about, I’ll be looking at people around me and catch myself developing judgements on them (in my own head) based on their clothes, appearance, mannerisms or any number of other factors.
Catching Myself
That being said, a quick reflex I have when I catch myself doing this is to ground myself and really try to think about what these peoples’ lives are like: thinking about their friends, families, where they grew up, and anything else that mentally puts me in their shoes.
After doing this, I generally find myself feeling more accepting and overlooking these initial superficial qualities I was judging them on.
This raises a few interesting questions:
- Does this make me judgmental?
- Should I feel guilty about thoughts that I don’t control?
- Does it make it ok if I have these thoughts if I am able to overcome them?
- Are there people who never have these initial judgmental thoughts at all about others? Or is not being judgmental simply the act of controlling these thoughts and dispelling them?
How Do You Deal With It?
It would be interesting to hear about how other people think and deal with these types of thoughts if they have them. Personally, I think most people probably do experience these types of thoughts as well. The reason I say this is because there are so many differences between people: life choices, relationships, money, friendship, morality, values etc. No two people will ever have the exact same views on everything, which will inevitably lead to some form of disagreement, whether outwardly expressed or kept to oneself.
This raises another question: Is being judgmental simply a form of disagreement, or is there more to it?
I think it’s important to break this down. I don’t think one should feel guilty for disagreeing with another person’s choices. This is part of being human. In the same way that you shouldn’t be considered discriminatory for not being attracted to certain people (this is obviously not something you can really control), there isn’t anything wrong with not agreeing with other peoples’ choices.
Where It Gets Tricky
What complicates things and can become hurtful is when these disagreements lead you to start treating people differently, particularly when you start treating people with disrespect.
I think it is the outward expression of disagreement in an insulting or disrespectful manner that distinguishes someone as being judgmental, in the negative connotation.
What Can I Do About It?
If you find that you can be judgmental towards others, try being more open-minded. I find it helps when you try to relate to the person/people in question by putting yourself in their shoes however you can.
I guarantee when you do this, you’ll find that being accepting can lift a huge weight off your shoulders and leave you feeling pretty great. One of the reasons I believe people are judgmental towards others, is because they have been judged themselves as well.
So get out there today and be the person to break that cycle.
Questions? Feel free to reach me on Twitter @izzydoesizzy.
About Izzy
Iskender Piyale-Sheard (aka Izzy) is the Community Manager at Lighthouse Labs, a web/iOS bootcamp in Canada. In his spare time, he likes to write about career growth, teach himself to code and work on fun community projects.
Find him at: izzydoesizzy.com
